Knowing LOST

A myriad of thoughts flooded his mind as he descended deeper into the darkness. The ladder was cold against his hands, icy cold, and each step downwards was a frosty shock. Despite the pain, though, he couldn’t help but feel a welling of pride in his chest. He was not only surviving on the Island, but he was thriving. Finding shelter. Even Ryan would have to admit that he was fairly competent.

I should be at the bottom by now, he thought, continuing his cold descent into the abyss. He continued stepping down, more quickly, but each step was simply another rung of the ladder. It was deeper than he remembered seeing it.

A shuffling noise below stopped him momentarily. There was someone down there, he just knew it. He clung to the ladder, holding his breath and remaining as still as possible. Nothing happened.

Eventually, he reasoned to himself that if he was going to be found out, he would have been already. It was only his overactive mind that had heard the noise, which was probably the air conditioner or something like that. He took another step, and his foot met firm concrete. He’d been clinging to the ladder a foot from the ground.

He reached out, his fingers brushing the dusty walls. It was almost completely dark in the station, and he couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been since anyone had been down in the station. He had seen the Others use it briefly in “Expose,” but that wasn’t until the time of season two. How often was it used before the survivors found the hatch?

He felt his way down what he reasoned was the hallway leading into the main station. The flashlight in his pocket had died as soon as he opened the hatch door, as if on cue, and it had been difficult to close the hatch doors behind him in the darkness. Stumbling down the hallway was less dangerous, but more inconvenient.

His fingers brushed against something mounted to the wall. It was the light switch, he realized thankfully, and he quickly flipped it. Two fluorescent lights overhead flickered to life. On, off, on, off… on.

Once he was satisfied that the lights had decided to stay on, he glanced around, and realized with a start that he was standing in the observation room of the Pearl.

The nine television screens were just as he remembered them, crowded around the chairs in the middle like something from The Matrix. He eagerly raced over to one of the screens, flipping it on. The screen hummed to life, and he found himself looking into the empty living room of the Swan station.

He gawked at it for a moment, then flipped the screen off with a deft twitch of his fingers. He was already feeling at home in the station.

He was moving to flip on another screen when he saw the tube leading into the ceiling. He moved over to it and opened it, hearing the familiar hiss of air like he was in a bank drive-through.

A stack of notebooks was positioned beside the tube, and he flipped one open. The pages were blank in all of them, he soon realized. If any of the notebooks had been filled in, they would have been sent already by the men and women who had been stationed there years ago. The fact that they were real people had occurred to him, but not really sunk in yet. This had turned out to be the psychological experiment, he remembered, so this station was practically useless. There would be someone watching them –

He remembered Mikhail appearing to Locke on one of the monitors, and he glanced around quickly, chills running down his spine. That would be the worst thing to happen: someone as dangerous as Mikhail discovering that he was there. He couldn’t remember where the camera had been hidden, though, so he banished the thought from his mind. Either they would be discovered or they wouldn’t. Hell, being discovered might actually be one of the cooler things that could happen.

He realized that he had no chance of leaving the station until daylight. His flashlight was completely dead, and risking the jungle at night was not a smart idea. He’d be lost, or worse. He’d have to stay in the Pearl until the next morning, he reasoned. He glanced down at his watch, which he’d synced up with the sun on the beach several days before. It was 1:09 am. Chuckling at how close the time had been to a number, he collapsed into the chair on the left, learning back and staring at the monitors in front of him. Their blank screens stared back like giant pupils. He fell asleep in minutes.

—-

He made it back to the beach the next morning within an hour, though he wasn’t sure he was going to. It was a long walk, and at times he’d feared he’d completely been lost. Once he’d found the path he was sure was the right one, his mind began to stray to other things, like how he was going to tell Ryan that he’d found the shelter. It was the perfect place, he knew, to hide once the manifest thing went down. There was no way to stop the manifest from going down — anything they did would conversely protect Ethan as well as themselves.

So they would need to go to the Pearl, there was no question about that. They’d also need food and water, so that would mean going to the caves every once in a while, and for that they’d have to remain hidden…

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” Joanna shrieked, and he realized that she was standing right in front of him, rubbing her shoulder. He’d bumped into her.

“Oh,” he mumbled. “I’m so sorry. I was just… I guess I wasn’t even paying attention.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s obvious,” she said, not unkindly. And then, as if she had just remembered, her face seemed to stiffen. “Well,” she said again, “I’ll get out of your way.”

He frowned. “You’re not in my way. I just was wandering around and got a little off track. I guess I’m going the right way to the beach, though.”

“Yeah,” she acknowledged, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder. “That way.”

“Great,” he replied, smiling. “Have you seen Ryan, by the way?”

She stared at him. “Who?”

“My friend, Ryan,” he said. “You know who I’m talking about.”

“Oh, yeah,” she said. “The one who broke up the fight yesterday between Michael and that Korean guy.”

He stared at her blankly. “Oh, right,” she said, with mock realization. “That must have been during one of your ‘errands’ you had to run yesterday.”

He sighed. “Joanna –”

“Haven’t seen him,” she said, cutting him off. “But good luck finding him.”

She turned away without saying another word, going on her way. He stood there for a moment, watching her leave. He felt badly about the day before, but there was nothing he could do about it now, it seemed. He should have gone on that picnic with her, whether or not she was going to course correct and die. He’d at least owed her that kindness, but instead had turned her down. Letting out another sigh, he turned and headed in the direction she’d pointed, toward the beach.

—-

“It’s empty,” Claire said, frowning and confused. She examined the plastic jar in her hands.

“What are you talking about?” Ryan asked, frowning back at her. It was hard to keep a straight face with her, but he was doing his best. “I just tried it myself. It’s the best peanut butter I’ve had in my entire life.” He took the jar back from her, giving her what he hoped was a you-just-don’t-appreciate-this look. “So if you don’t mind,” he continued. “I’ll just have another bite of it.”

He reached into the jar with a finger and mimed digging out a scoop. Feigning reluctance, he held the jar out to Claire once again. “You sure you don’t want it? It’s so good.”

Still unsure whether she was being tricked or not, Claire cautiously extended her arm and pretended to scoop up a fingerful of peanut butter before bringing it to her mouth.

“I told you I’d get you some peanut butter,” Ryan said, and broke into a warm smile. Claire smiled back.

“Thank you, Ryan,” she said. “I… I don’t know what to say. This is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me.” She looked away for a minute, then back at him. “You’re an alright guy, you know.” She turned and looked out at the expansive ocean and watched the waves crash over the beach. This was the calmest she’d felt since before boarding the plane. She couldn’t help but think how lucky she was not only to be alive, but to have made a friend on the island. “Thank you,” she repeated, at a loss for words.

“You’re welcome, Claire,” he replied.

“I think I’ll take some more of that peanut butter now,” she said, and reached out, taking the jar from his hands. “I’m starving.”

“Hey, give that back!” he called in mock outrage. “I”m hungry, too!” He reached for the jar, which she was holding tantalizingly out of his reach. She jerked it even further away, giggling.

Kevin, having just arrived on the beach, stared in shock as his eyes fell upon Ryan, Claire, and the peanut butter jar. Realizing that there was nothing else for him to do, he sat down in the sand where he stood and simply looked on. This wasn’t something he wanted to interrupt.

He glanced around the beach. Sayid was speaking with Kate and Boone. He could clearly see the transceiver in Sayid’s hands, and he knew exactly what was going on. They were going to attempt to triangulate Rousseau’s signal. He knew how that was going to turn out, thanks to Locke — who strangely enough, was nowhere around.

His focus eventually wandered back to Ryan and Claire,though this time the scene had changed. The two were standing up; Ryan was holding the blanket and peanut butter jar, and Claire was awkwardly hugging him. Their respective baggages trying to hug would have been funny if it wasn’t so… so wrong.

The two parted, going in opposite directions, and Kevin realized that Ryan was coming right toward him. He jumped up, brushing himself off. Ryan noticed him and grinned.

“Hey, man, you’ll never guess what –”

“I saw you,” Kevin said, disappointed.

Ryan stared at him for a moment, gauging him. “Oh, come on. You’re not mad about this, are you?”

“Mad?” Kevin said. “No, just…  That was low, Ryan. The peanut butter trick? Really?”

“Lighten up,” Ryan said, frowning. “It was fun. She needed that, and Charlie is so high right now that he wouldn’t have been any good.”

“And that’s your fault as well,” Kevin argued, the volume of his voice unchanging. “You tried to play Locke with the drugs and failed.”

“Oh, don’t bring playing God into it,” Ryan retorted angrily. “You saved Janelle, you hypocrite.”

“Joanna–” Kevin corrected.

“What’s it matter? She’s a redshirt!”

“She’s a person,” Kevin corrected. “And what I did was different than your… manipulation.”

Ryan shrugged. “I just wanted her to stay on the beach with me.”

“Because you want her to be safe, or because you like her?”

“What’s it matter?” Ryan asked, hurt.

Kevin shook his head again. “You’re utterly selfish.”

There was a pause, as both of them fumbled for what to say. A tension between them had now entered the conversation, one of anger that they both realized was useless.

“I found a shelter,” Kevin said, but before he could say anything else, he was interrupted by a voice from down the beach.

“So you did come back here!” Jack said, jogging toward them. “I was worried, man. You said you’d stay right there.”

Kevin broke off from Ryan and stepped toward Jack. “Yeah, I just… the caves aren’t really for me.”

Jack stared at him, confused. “But you said.. You’re the one who told me I needed to be the leader. And now, you’re not following me.”

Kevin nodded. “I know, Jack. But I have a job of my own that I need to do, and honestly? You’re the doctor. People will follow you anywhere if they think it’ll help them live.”

Jack frowned again. “But you won’t. If you won’t, who will?”

“Look,” Kevin said finally, holding up his hands. “I’ll go to the caves later, alright. But just take who you can and leave the rest here. Everyone will be fine, I promise. I told you that you could lead this group, and you can. It’s your destiny, Jack.”

“You better show up,” Jack said after a pause. “I’m counting on you. You owe me one.”

Kevin nodded, holding out his hand. “Deal.”

Ryan stared at Kevin as he walked back across the beach. “What the hell was that all about?” he asked.

“We’re going to the caves in a bit,” Kevin replied. “Jack wants us to.”

“What, through the jungle?” Ryan asked. “No damn way.”

“Look,” Kevin said. “You’re going to have to go into that jungle eventually. No one can stay on this beach forever.”

“He’ll kill me, man. He’s seen me. Seen into me.”

Kevin shrugged. “And he beat the hell out of me. But on the show, he scanned Locke in the exact same way, and Locke was fine.”

“Yeah, he just nearly got dragged into a hole in the ground later on,” Ryan retorted. “No way.”

“Trust me,” Kevin said. “You can’t live in fear of him. And you’re going to want to see this.” Ryan stared at him, unmoved. “It’s the Pearl,” Kevin finally said.

Ryan’s eyes lit up. “Why didn’t you say so?” he asked gleefully, then paused for a minute, his eyes darkening. “I think I’ll survive one trip.”

—-

The minute he could see the Beechcraft through the trees, Ryan grinned. “We’re here!”

“Yep,” Kevin replied, smiling as well.

Struggling, the two began to open the hatch, which Kevin had been careful to close before his return that morning. The doors screeched open from their effort, and they stared with wonder down into the darkness.

“You couldn’t leave a light on?” Ryan asked, already beginning his climb down.

“Just feel on the wall for the switch,” Kevin replied, waiting until he heard Ryan’s feet slap against the concrete half a minute later. Another half a minute later, and the lights flickered on, revealing the shadowy ladder into the Pearl. Taking a breath, Kevin followed in Ryan’s footsteps, which had luckily made the ladder much less cold than before.

“I can’t believe it,” Ryan said, grinning as he looked around the observation room. “This is just incredible.”

Rushing over to the pneumatic tube, he rolled up a notebook, shoved it in, and watched it shoot up and through the ceiling. He grinned. “That’s my contribution to the pile,” he said, laughing.

Staring around, he collapsed back into a chair, laughing. “This just might work, Kevin,” he said. “I don’t think anyone will find us here.”

“Not for a while, anyway,” Kevin agreed.

“Speaking of which,” Ryan said, leaping to his feet. “Let me check something.” He stepped quickly across the room and went into the bathroom, where Kevin heard the toilet flush.

“Toilet still works,” Ryan said, emerging, but shrugged. “No good on the diamonds though. Guess Nikki and Paulo haven’t dropped by yet.”

“That’s something we’re going to have to think about,” Kevin said. “I saw Nikki yesterday, and she’s certainly real.”

Ryan chuckled. “Funny,” he said. “I always imagined that they didn’t exist until season three, so they wouldn’t bother anybody until then.”

“And they didn’t, really,” Kevin said. “Not until they bother us, at least.”

“This is great,” Ryan said again, and sat back down in the chair opposite Kevin, pointing at the monitors. “You tried one of these out yet?”

“Yeah, just a shot of the Swan,” Kevin said.

“Which one?” Ryan asked. “I don’t wanna turn one on and have Patchy staring at me.”

“Oh, God, dude,” Kevin replied, pointing to the one he’d turned on before. “It was that one.”

Ryan flipped the switch on the television, and groaned as nothing appeared but static. The static flickered, trying to find an image, but simply went off again.

“You sure it was this one?” Ryan asked, and Kevin nodded. Shrugging, Ryan casually slapped the side of the monitor. “Work, dammit,” he pleaded with the screen. Another smack, and the monitor buzzed into focus. The static turned into an image.

They both laughed in relief as they saw the living room of the Swan swim into focus before them.

Something moved past the camera.

“No way,” Ryan whispered.

Someone moved past the camera.

“Looks like we forgot about somebody,” Kevin said quietly. Their eyes were transfixed upon the tiny monitor. They were completely still, staring at the crackling image of the station before them. The Swan was completely still.

Then, someone appeared.

“Desmond,” they breathed in unison, and Kevin grinned.

“Looks like we aren’t alone,” he said. Ryan laughed.

They watched for a minute longer, until they started to hear the beats of raindrops on the ladder behind them It was starting to rain.

“Guess we better get out of here,” Kevin said to Ryan. Ryan shook his head.

“We’ll be coming back,” he said. They quickly exited the Pearl up the ladder, closing the door behind them. In the Pearl, hidden by the ceiling panel, a camera’s red light blinked once.

—-

“Wait up, Ryan, this rain is only getting worse!” Kevin called. He was lagging behind and the rain just kept coming down. He couldn’t even see Ryan from where he was standing. He finally stopped, leaning up against a tree and hunching over. He’d tripped and fallen over, hitting his leg on a sharp rock. His thigh was bleeding from where he’d landed.

“Ryan!” he called again, knowing it was fruitless. “Ryan!”

The rain was deafening, though, and even after a couple of minutes of calling, he realized that Ryan had gone too far ahead and there was no chance of him hearing his screams.

The minute they had closed the door to the Pearl, the sky had opened up and the rain had been relentless. It was one of “day turning into night” situations that Charlie had mentioned in the pilot.

Halfheartedly, he yelled a few more times. Fruitless.

Finally, he felt a surge of energy and pressed on, only to fall again. His weakened leg slipped and he toppled over, his face landing directly in a muddy puddle this time. Insult to injury, he thought. Standing up, he managed to find a place inside a large tree where he could try to wait the rain out.

It was a small cluster of bamboo that formed a makeshift shelter from the outside, though the rain was still slapping at his head from above. He sat there, shivering cold, staring out into the jungle. A few minutes passed before he knew he had to leave. He needed to get to the caves, not only because he’d told Jack he’d be there, but because he needed to make sure that Ryan had made it too. The monster had scanned him, after all.

He found the strength to come to his feet once again, and he began staggering through the jungle. He managed to keep his balance, but the rain was so blinding that he could barely struggle through. Then, he saw the figure in a white shirt coming toward him.

Ryan hadn’t been wearing a white shirt, he remembered that immediately. The shirt almost looked like a tunic. A very familiar tunic, worn by…

“Kevin!” Joanna called, and he blinked as a hand reached out to him. He grabbed it to see Joanna’s wet face, blinking at him. “Are you okay?” she asked quickly, and he nodded, gasping for breath. “I heard you yelling,” she explained. “You’re close to the caves.”

He nodded. “I’m alright,” he said gratefully, smiling weakly at her. “I’m soaked and cold and my leg is a bit sore. Nothing that a bandage can’t take care of.”

She wrapped an arm around his waist, supporting him as they limped back toward the caves, which were becoming clearer through the abating rain.

“Thanks,” he said finally as they drew nearer. “I know I don’t deserve it, especially after yesterday. But… thank you.”

She smiled at him. “Shut up,” she said, and they entered the caves. His arm clasped at her shoulder, which he confusedly realized was draped in a gray t-shirt.”

The rain had completely abated by the time they reached the center of the caves, as if a faucet in the sky had simply been turned off.

The skies were clear and blue once again, and the glistening foliage around them was the only indication that there had ever been rain at all.

They could see a group huddled together near the cave. They looked at each other precariously, and hurried over to see what the commotion was.

“Jack! Guys! We’re here!”

Ryan was the only member of the group surrounding the caves that turned at first, though Jack turned just a moment later. Ryan was visibly distressed, but nodded at Kevin, glad he was okay. “Something’s happened,” he mouthed, and Kevin looked at Joanna, who cautiously let him go and slid closer to the scene.

“Jack!” Kevin called. “What’s going on?”

Finally, Jack turned, looking back at Kevin. “Oh, you’re here,” he said, and his brow was sopping wet from a sweat-and-rain cocktail. Then addressing Kevin’s question, he pointed back at the cave.

“We all hurried into the caves once the rain started, but… This cave just wasn’t very strong. It collapsed as soon as Ethan jumped in.” He paused. “He’s alright. He managed to leap out at the last moment, but his leg… His leg was trapped under the rubble. I don’t know if we’ll be able to get it out.”

Then Kevin heard the moaning, the sound of absolute pain that he simply hadn’t heard before over the din of the spectators. The rubbernecks. He stared through the crowd and saw the familiar face of Ethan facing the ground, grunting in pain.

He glanced over to Ryan, who was scratching his head in confusion. Ryan met his glance, and his concerned eyes betrayed one question.

Things had really changed.

Is this our fault?